Joy of my life...

I've been stronger this time around... and happier... I'm enjoying the moment of my life at the moment. I can manage to deal with my feelings with my sister being away for this year's Eid Mubarak, being alone again during Ramadhan, and feeling this way about Nunez. If last time, I had mixed feelings inside me, but now... I'm less emotional, as he always accuse me off... Being sappy and emotional... Well baby, I'm not.

Its less than one week before the Eid Mubarak. I dont really into it anymore... Not like I use to feel when I was little kid... Maybe my maturity sets into my mind that its just another ordinary day to live on.

I had tonnes of fun when my sister was around. I miss her already. Like I told her, 2 more years, you would not see it end that soon though...

In my last post, I did mention about my granny suffers brain cancer... She pass away last month, on the 3rd of August. (may her soul rest in peace). I miss her.... ( a moment of silence)

So, can't wait what tomorrow has stores for me. See what kind of gift I will be receiving... See what kind of reaction you will read this... ;) love u lots Nunez.... take care...

Its been a while....

It's been a while since my last post. I've been very busy lately with my work, my life. My little sister came back for summer holiday and yeah, we all miss her. They manage to go to Langkawi (my parents and Nadya) and all of us went to Kota Kinabalu to visit Narnie. Did I mention that my Narnie suffers from brain tumor? Its cancerious and stage 3. She's bed resting and all my aunts and uncles are making her comfortable. She had her radiation to reduce the size of the tumor. She started having hair falling of her head. She has less movement on the right side of her body as the tumor affecting her nerves.

To add up on the story, I nearly lost my Sony Ericsson during our visit to my Narnie's place. The day we suppose to leave for Miri, my uncle Georgie, found my phone, under the tea table. Thank GOD!!! Otherwise, I'll be losing my phone for the second time this year.

So, we're now back in Miri. Mama and Papa and Nadya are in Sibu. Nadya is enjoying her stay there. (Duh!!! its my hometown though!!! hahahahahahaha!!!!) Owh yeah... I finally bought my second motorbike. Not as I thought that I suppose to buy though... but its ok. SInce the fuel price shooting up sky high, I might just possess 125cc motorbike. Buying over 500cc motorbike is just as equivalent as buying a brand new car. Which is useless!!! Hahaha... a brand new white EGO S... Minah motor beb!!! hahahahaha....

My dearest friend, Meldia and Randall of the Nightbyrdz are leaving Marriot by the end of August. New band will be coming in September. I started Salsa class with Gador and Jack. Eventually, Gador is getting better and i'm getting so excited in my dance. Kwok Foo doesn't seem happy with my adrenalin towards my dance. As if i'm so into myself..

So, i better get of now. I's using someone's laptop to write my blog as I'm waiting more database to be keyed in. (Shhhss... i'm working part-timely with Shell recruitment crew for the fresh graduates recruits at Marriot)

Okay then... till my next post!!!!

It's all about a gir!!!

Hm... where do I start? I went out last nite, as usual. Meeting up with friends at Cherrie Berries and enjoy the band playing. Did I mentioned that the band was that superb good!!! The Pleyades. They played at the Waves in Bintulu 2 months before this. They are Ferddie (drummer), Jayson (bassist), Joseph (keyboardist), Lester(lead guitarist), Mark( lead singer male), Rachious and AJ (lead singer female).

But last nite, they reveal the trueself of the band. They fought and caused a scene, quite a scene actually. Everyone was watching and the thing aren't suppose to happens, happened. Ferd and Mark throw punches on stage after the end of the third set.

I sat with Ferd when everything cool down. Talk to him like an adult.. where everyone else is talking teenagers with the other. Where at the end of the conversation, i realise that this started from a girl.

What a girl can do to a guy and make them do stupid things. but on top of it, everyone must think beyond what they can think off. Be yourself and admit that you're wrong in the first place.

What am I babbling about?? nah... stop with nonsense... sorry for the long silence. Been very busy lately. And i even have to postponed my semester. I dont enough time to study or even have time for myself. Too busy. Nunez emailed me the other day. I felt very happy. But then, i feel guilty for not being discrete. I'll be the next time around, baby.... take care...

An accident, a death and a matrimony

It was Thursday and i received a call from Zura, saying that abang Mail's son involved in an accident. Rumors have it that they fell down to cliff... but the actual fact was the car rammed into a tree... the driver lost control of the car as he was driving on a high speed. There were 4 of them.. including my nephew. It was around 5pm, they just got back from work heading home when the accident happen. 2 of the died on the spot. My nephew and this fellow Sabahan were rushed to the hospital. The doctor said that he's having a serious internal injuries. They just hope that God do His miracle to save my nephew, Mohd Arfan Ismail. The parents were still in Makkah doing their umrah. But they manage to go back in time for the funeral.

On Friday night, I went over to my auntie Soraya's house to help out before Dedek's akad nikah on Saturday. I was a total stranger there. I only knew a few people. Totally left out. I left early and heard that my nephew passed away around 11pm. Al-Fatihah!!!

The next day, I felt very uneasy being at auntie Soraya's place full with the people that I don't recognize. I manage to stay until after the lafaz akad nikah. Rhymie did it in one breath and Mien is officially the wife to Rhymie Rashidi Ibrahim. I tried to get away, from Mien to salam me. But she caught me, and we ended hugging and crying. The tears of joy fell down from my cheek and my only advice that I told her:"Take care of yourself, take care of your marriage. Don't leave mom and dad alone. Promise me that!" She just burst into tears. Stronger than she hugged others. I was seeing myself in her situation. What would happen to my papa, if my time to come, to marry someone. How does he feels, to give me away to my future husband (who ever he is). How would mama react for having her baby girl owned by someone else. Letting go of that responsibilities to that man, that will be my husband. How would Afrie and Nadya feels for having her sister owned by someone else. And i'm not entirely their anymore...

But what is actually marriage??? Its actually getting two families ties together in the name of love and marriage who were never have any blood ties. Its not about separating two families. But its actually putting them together.. and be as one big happy families. I don't want to loose both. Who ever that person would be (my husband) I will surely have both of our family together and surely I try to be fair to both off them.

And to my Nunez, I don't know how much you felt about me. But I know one thing for sure. I love you. I will always love you, cause i'm not finish loving you. I miss you so much. It hurts with the silence and the distance. But i'm facing it strong so that i could live another day, in time to see you come back to me. Til that day fades away, til our love couldn't bear no more, til we couldn't face it anymore... i will always love you. Always...

To abang Mail and family, my deepest condolences of your lost.

To Siti Aminah Salleh and Rhymie Rashidi Ibrahim, congratulation on your wedding and having a new family in your life. Take care of each other, and your marriage. Be very patient in everything that you do. When one of you are on fire, let another be the water. Good luck and selamat menjalani kehidupan berumahtangga.

To my Nunez, u know who you are... if you reading this... I'm saying it out how I felt about you. I love you. You are so true about that look I gave you that night. I broke the rule myself.. and I fell in love. Please let me love you... til I finish loving you....

And to all the reader... i better stop now as my tears are falling down like rain.... i can't help myself... now... i miss my papa!!!

Groundbreaking Thinker (GT)

I took a personality test after reading my sister's blog. She's is definitely true about it. I mean... the test is so true.... about myself... Go figure... the statement below tells me in words...

(Just visiting? Take the free test and determine your personality type!)

The groundbreaking thinker is a charming, enthusiastic person. He really bubbles over with energy and likes to take centre stage. He loves variety both professionally and privately. The groundbreaking thinker tackles changes consistently with his optimism and firm belief in his own abilities; he is always on the look-out for improvement possibilities. His excellent communication skills are of great advantage to him here. He approaches the world with curiosity and openness and masters new situations with a great deal of talent for improvising and with resourcefulness. His spare time is taken up with a large number of hobbies; most groundbreaking thinkers like to travel in order to gather as many different impressions as possible. This personality type is unbeatable at discovering new possibilities.

In his work, the groundbreaking thinker highly rates challenges and diversified tasks. He cannot stand routine and too detailed work. He loves to astound others with bold ideas for an original, new project and then leave it up to the others to implement them. Hierarchies, rules and regulations arouse his opposition and he loves outsmarting the system. It is vital to him that he enjoys his work; if this is the case, he quickly becomes a pure workaholic. His creativity best takes effect when he works independently; but he is very good at motivating others and infecting them with his optimistic nature. Conceptual or advisory activities appeal especially to the groundbreaking thinker. It can happen that some people feel somewhat duped by his flexible, spontaneous nature.

His sociability and enterprise ensure that the groundbreaking thinker always has a large circle of friends and acquaintances in which activity plays an important role. As he is mostly in a good mood, he is a popular and very welcome guest. Grumbling and peevishness are unknown to him. However, he does tend to be a little erratic and unstable when it comes to obligations and this makes him appear to be unreliable to some. He is very critical and demanding when it comes to picking a partner because he looks for the ideal relationship and has a very concrete picture of the ideal relationship. Mutual aims in life are very important to him. He does not like compromising and would rather remain alone. For the partner, it is often a challenge to have a long-term relationship with an groundbreaking thinker. The groundbreaking thinker needs a lot of space and diversity or otherwise becomes bored and feels cramped. Types who are rather more traditionalistic often have problems with the willingness of the groundbreaking thinker to take risks and his often crazy, spontaneous actions. However, if one can summon up sufficient flexibility and tolerance for him, one will never be bored in his presence and will always have a loyal and faithful partner in him.

Adjectives which describe your type

extroverted, theoretical, logical, spontaneous, rational, innovative, intellectual, open, independent, curious, enterprising, analytical, clever, enthusiastic, venturesome, inventive, energetic, sociable, optimistic, non-conformist, creative, freedom-loving, charming, able to get enthusiastic, self-confident, communicative, capricious, inconsistent, outgoing

AND THE COOK DID IT!

DAVID COOK took the crown of American Idol. Its the thing that people sees in a talent. Where the different that makes a better well to listen to new kind of music, that David Cook have shown to us. (I'm being unrealistic.... i'm actually The Cook Fan... because of MRManager says on David Archuleta, i feel that Archuleta will win) But was hoping that America will vote for Cook instead... hahahahahaha.....

I'm on a break at the moment. Had a rough class. I was mad at one of my students for screwing up my portfolio and doesn't follow exactly my instruction that i gave to her. I was so pissed off and spent the whole 5 hours to tidy up the mess that she made. And she ends up crying in my class. And I don't know what to do. I hate doing this but they have to learn something. I can't come to the rescue every time she's in trouble. I have to let her go slowly.

Hm... congratulation Nadya.... as for your Cook is the American Idol.... He's indeed a good singer, performer and artist.

Well, back to teaching I guess. Write back again later.( When I have the time....)

Back From The Holidays....

I went back to Sibu this weekend with my favorite niece, Nurul. They say that kids are like curious cats. They ask questions that sometimes you can't even answer. All the way in the bus, she keep on asking me questions that I can't even answer. Even about how long would it take from Miri to Sibu. To explain the "how long" feels, i just can't describe it to her. It makes me wonder, its good to be kids. We don't know things and we are given the opportunity to ask questions. I think maybe the world genius can't never answer those tricky yet challenging questions.

Sibu was nice. I miss my parents, i miss my room and best of all, i miss my quiet and peace holidays... Well, its worth it for me to be back in my hometown with my favorite niece. She's adorable. And best yet to come, Fyda is expecting. We're hoping (fingers cross) for her to have a baby boy this time.

I'm still shop hunting for superbike or maybe streetbike. Found a few, but still in the decision mode. (hahahahahahaha)

Its my sister's examination day today. I wish her all the best and all the luck in the world for her. Can't wait to have her back soon, though!

What else?? Hm... let see... owh yeah.... American Idol, its the David vs David... who's gonna be Americal Next Idol??? tough decision, but my bet will be on the Diva, as the MrManager calls it!! hahahaha.... so, this is my blog, me without my camera. Hoping for one soon.... keeping my fingers cross....

A dozens of flowers

Roses are red, violet a are blue... Tina, I love you!!!



I haven't received any roses from anyone since I broke up few years back. And today, my sister and soulmate; Kartina Abdul Kadir sent me a dozen of roses. It made me cry. I eventually having a hard day and trying somehow to get thru with it... But alhamdulillah... everything went well.

You make my day, Tina... i love you so much.. and miss you tonnes..

My Nunez replied my emails, I get to go back to my hometown this weekend and the best thing, I got roses from my beloved sister soulmate... Kartina... i love you so much, sis!

Last night, there was a strong wind (baby hurricane) along with heavy rain... scary as I am alone at home.. and I'm having this stupid thought in my head of us having twister in our area.. and where the hell i should cover for safety??? I stand at my car porch, watching horrificly the wind blows hard and the rains slapping my face and hair. I can even feel the wind is pushing me away. Its cold and freezing. I was soaking wet eventhough I wore my windbreaker to protect me from the rain. (Like its gonna keep me dry... hahahaha...) With the wooing sound that the wind makes, I feel scared a bit before I overcome my fear.

But gladly... its over by 10pm last nite... so I eventually sleep tight... My sister (Nadya) is asking about my favourite blogger (MrManager). Yes Nadya, he's Sarawakian and he's the Ning's manager now. You can read his blog at MRMANAGER. You'll get new updates on anything by him.... trust me...!!!!

Last week, I missed the International Jazz Festival held in Miri. During the preview at the Al-Fresco compound, the band sounds good. Especially that hot hunk from the Habana Sax... He does turns me on!! (ahaks... sorry... no picture of him... sad isn't it... I lost my N70 and I'm completely cameraless....) But, I have this really hot shot!!

My collegue and I attend for this Celcom Blackberry Hi Tea in Lush Bar, Miri Marriot. I was wondering around when I saw this familiar face. Who doesn't recognise him? He's the most handsome minister (from Sarawak) that I ever laid my eyes on.

Yup, its our Deputy Minister of Tourism, Malaysia: Datuk Seri Sulaiman Abdul Rahman Taib. He's gorgeous and very friendly. He never stop smiling and have a very good sense of humor. I like his character in a minister. Makes a minister more approachable rather than we scared to come up to him and say "Hi! I'm a big fan of yours!"

Me & YB Datuk Seri Sulaiman Abdul-Rahman Taib himself

Seriously, he's very lah friendly one... I've met a few of VVIPs ( a few la...) seldom and rarely I met VVIP like YB Datuk Seri Sulaiman. He's like very down to earth and people's person. He'll make a good minister. InsyaAllah.. who knows.. maybe Sarawak next CM??? hehehehe

A day to remember...

I finally started my writings. I've finished up to the third chapter as i'm writing this blog. But still i have conflict with the storyline. My collegue, Syuhaira helped me throughout the process. She's the person who listened to my ideas and read my first 3 chapter. She just can't keep her excitement to herself. She started to hate few of character i created in the story.

Zura called this morning, saying that her ex-father-in-law pass away this morning. She's sad because for her, her ex-father-in-law treated her like his own daughter. AL-FATIHAH!

Then later in the evening, while i was watching American IDOL (which i think either Jason Castro or Syesha will be eliminated) i received SMS from my friend, Michele who's currently in Sabah. Her father pass away yesterday morning due to the sickness that he suffers all these years. Luckily for her, she was in time to go back and be with her father before he go and meet the Creator. My deepest condolences to Badrul Hisham's family and Michele's family for the demise of they beloved father. May his soul rest in peace.....

So, I'm keeping my fingers cross to finished this novel of mine. This would be the first one, if i manage to complete it. "Ira, u better force me to finish the novel...." hehehehehe

How Quickly People Notice You?

Its 450pm here in Miri. I just finished watching "The Last Holiday" staring Queen Latifah. Its about this lady misdiagnose with Lampington disease and have like only 3 weeks to live. So, she spent everything that she have on a luxurious holiday in Karlovy Vary. Its a cute and nice storyline.

But what more important is, how exactly people notice you, when u are in a crowd? For you are the way you are, may be u are a stand out or blend in or hide away? Stand out is when the people notice u immediately even though u are in a huge crown. Blend in is when it takes a few minutes or hours to notice you are in the crown. Or hide away, is when u try to hide out from everyone in the crowd. Hiding behind everyone's shadow.

I use to be the hide away and now i'm in the blend in. I don't like to be stand out. Even so, sometimes i'm craving for one. Of all my cousin, the only cousin that realise my status has changed is Rashid Salleh. He's not even geographically close to me.. but we're close cousins... yet, he notice the status has change. Yes cuzzy... recently change. trying to adjust myself with the change though. He's not local, and its a long distance relationship. Its gonna be hard for both of us, but we both a fighter... he's absolutely a fighter. No intention of changing the status again in the nearest future... but maybe back to being single... hahahaha... life as a single is so much fun....

I still have lots of hopes to chase. Still lots of things to do, before i really settle down with someone. I dont really want to hurt anyone in the process of marriage, don't you. So, be it this way or single all the way.... and stop refering me to Ngah... im not her... we're totally different in point of view. I have my own view... she had hers.

Yup, Rashid Salleh... the ESPN SportCenter news presenter is my cousin. He's doing well in his job now... I'm proud of him. We all are. He did it with his own effort. He's my mentor, my idol. One day, InsyaAllah.. I will be successful as he is. InsyaAllah. All the best for you cousin. (Buy me something from Jakarta... books maybe... heheheheh ngeh ngeh ngeh....)

Before I pen down, I would like to put my hands together for Chief Minister of Penang, YAB Lim Guan Eng, who put the words into practice. He indeed fly in the economy class just to proof that he really cutting the cost. Check this site out... MR.MANAGER

If all of the rich, rich people think like he thinks, I think the world could be a better and fair place for everyone. I mean, everyone.... DON'T YOU THINK??!!

And he finally called!!!

Such a relieve feeling rush to my heart when I first hear his voice on the phone, at 1030am this morning and 3.30am in UK. I usually leave my phone unattended in the class or in the office. Out of the sudden, I brought the phone with me today. As I walk the hallway with my collegue, arguing of the Hi-Tea Blackberry Launching for Celcom, my phone vibrates and appears the Private Number. I thought it was my cousin. But really, out of the blue.. its him. I've been waiting for ages for him to call and yes... he called. I was like jumping up and down happy....Relieved that he called and finally everything is sorted out. Like I said in my previous post, that's what we're having now. A relationship. I don't want to hurt myself and definitely not him.

Then, there was I, struggling to get better from the fever, flu and cough that I'm having. I should feel happy... But my body just aching in pain. Hm... what should I do? (ape yang aku merepek ni....)

It was a surprise to hear from my Nunez... A surprise indeed. Its our first month anniversary(the first time I saw him, knew him and like him...) Coincidence indeed....

Aku tak tahu apa yang aku mengarut ni... tapi aku rasa, aku perlu berhenti.. sebelum benda-benda lain yang terkeluar... Kalau sempat, aku blog lagi malam sikit or subuh nanti... if I'm awake... owh yeah... i've completed my Grey's Anatomy season 4 up till episode 11. Cant wait for the next episode to be on air... so... catch you guys later.

Relationship or Commitment!

Few days ago, I read an article. Saying that what makes the difference between dating a recently single guy.. who just broke up with his girlfriend that he live with for the past 7 years and a guy who just got a divorce or separated? It's the same situation, but the status set it to a higher pace for a divorce person. Who set the status? We set the status... our community set the status. And who argue about the status? We argue about the status.. and sick and tired of this status. Who to blame?

Im having a serious problem with relationship. It seems that i believe in relationship but not in commitment. Blame it to all the men i used to love. I'm into a relationship.. but not into a commitment. I just can't. I just finished watching Grey's Anatomy season 3. The relationship between Meredith Grey and Derek Sheppard and Christina Yang and Dr. Burke proves to me that sometimes, we just relieve with the relationship that we have. When we're ready for a commitment.. that's when the guys freaked out and step away from our life. And we're not ready for a commitment, they are there... begging and asking for love. Yes, people say we should sacrifice something for others. But what if I've been sacrificing the whole time.. and I never get anything good out of it???

I would like to believe that there is someone out there for me. But, I don't! I would like to believe that there is someone for me to put this blame on. But i couldn't do that! For example, George O'Maley married to Calligh Torres after George's father died of cancer. But eventually, Izzie Stevens is in love with O'Maley. So, what does that shows you? Its happening around the world. Its happening everywhere. How could you say that this thing call love, soulmates and the love vows exists?

The passion for living is the reason for all human being alive and moving around. Love comes later. Everything nowadays is all about taking care of yourself and live life the fullest. But of course I don't want to end up like Dr. Addison Montgomery. Wasted so much on life... and when she realise what she missed, its too late to turn back. In life, having to love and be loved is the most beautiful thing that ever can happen to someone. But to commit your life time to it, it takes a lot of guts and sacrifices to go through that.

Nadya, you did once asked me. When will i get married to someone? This is my answer. I won't get married to anyone, until I believe in marriage. With divorce cases hovering our family, I don't think so that i would put myself in that situation. You know my passion for uniformed and armed men... That would take a lot of sacrifices if i would to put my marriage into the picture. With their worked and their life is on the line, I don't think so that i would believe marriage is the thing that bond me and him together. I almost have a perfect man in my life. You knew that, don't you?! What happened? Things just don't comes my way. I'm not taking revenge. But this is what I've become for all the sacrifices I've done few years back. I'm not asking you to be like me. But be stronger than me. Fight for your life. For your future. I know, that you're stronger and more stubborn than I do. We all are...u, abang and I.... Be strong for yourself.

So, stop asking questions, cause it won't help either way! When the time comes, the time comes. Don't hesitate to get married before I do. Coz there is no such thing as langkah bendul... hehehehehe.... I know its tradition... but if it is your turn to marry first.. then go ahead. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine.

So, to choose between relationship and commitment.... i choose relationship. Cause it makes my heart healthy.... and I love it. I just love it the way it is....

Time

I was jogging with me fellow friends when i bump into a dead body by the beach. A dead body of a male that is half naked and half buried in the sands. I was told that the John Doe was drown and swept away by the current. Up to this post, his identity is yet to be known. People keep on asking me, how am I doing and how am I coping with this situation. I think, I'm ok... so far...

I was watching Grey's Anatomy Season 3, when some of the scene makes me feels guilty and feels sad. I miss my Nunez so much. I don't know why i felt this way.. but it just does. Everyone, everybody always say that, when u love someone.. u say it straight to them before its too late. It is too late? For me, its always too late. Too late to say I love you... too late to say i miss you... too late to show how i felt and always too late to be in a relationship. The fact that, i want to be in a relationship.. but i don't want to be in a commitment. Time have played a fair game for me all these years. Yes, i'm craving for a relationship... but i will never manage to commit. Coz i'll never will. I always hoping that one day, that right guy will come up to my door and just turn my life upside down.. and says that my opinion about commitment is wrong.

Time played well upon my life... make it good or bad... make it happy or sad... but i still go on... Still living life the fullest. Cause i know one thing that, i don't wanna miss a thing that i wanna do in this world. Nunez was the guy that opens my heart... and make me the way i am years ago...

When i saw the dead guy, i said to myself... God takes away life with a single snap... and everything in this his life would change drastically. I wont never lose the chances anymore... I'll never will.....

Monday Blues

It’s the beginning of the week. Monday is the first day of the week. Some say it would be Sunday. But eventually, whatever day it supposes to be, Monday is the logic day to be the first. Some Monday, we start it joy and happiness. Some started it with a moody basis feelings, anger and just not being yourself. It will affect your entire mood for the whole week. Work become sucks and everyone around you seems to annoying you to much. You just can’t handle it.
Human eventually, have different type of view on themselves. Some are strong, some are determine of what they are doing and some are just too weak to face the truth. These people know what they want out of life and know what they don’t. Life pressure is human worst enemy. It’s human demon within them. Not entirely everyone can handle their own demons. Mostly failed and seek vengeance upon their failure.


This is what happened to me today. My colleague’s class is having a design and layout presentation. He insisted to have the presentation exactly what will they face in their career soon. It went well for few of the students. But I was at the end of the edge when one of his students starts to questions my position as one of the critic’s panel and the customer and also her supervisor. I nearly throw it all on her when I realize this was only a normal presentation that they have to make it look professional, as a preparation for them before they proceed to the real world. She’s the example of the student nowadays. They know how to complaint but never really realize what they’ve done wrong.


This similar situation happens during the summer camp. I was the collaborator for the camp and the ideas came from the students. They created the idea of doing harsh activities to other students but to them was an exception. Yet, when they get a direct command from me, they neglect that I have the full authority to say yes or no. And they are against what I’m trying to do. As a result, neither one of them are speaking to me as I’m writing this.
I was wondering that people create rules for us to obey and follow. But they tend to bend the rules sometimes. Even to those who actually create the rules. They actually bend the rules that they set is as benchmark for everyone to follow. And who actually will obey the rules?




No.2
Last week, a housewife hangs herself to death. She’s the housewife of a policeman. According to sources, she hangs herself because she couldn’t handle the stress taking care of the children. But I think, she’s just can’t handle her own demon. She fails and found an easy way out of it. It’s a stupid thing to do. But who are we to say that? We’re not even by her side to help her through. I bet that the neither husband nor do the children help her on her feelings.


What I’m trying to say here is that, by listening, you are eventually helping other people to face their demons. You just need to trust them. You can be that stubborn not to listen to what they advice to you, but by telling and letting go a part of your demons will actually help you to overcome your fear.


(apa yang aku mengarut ni)


No matter what you do in your life, how bad you’ve screwed up, you have to remember one thing. There will always be another person, at another place and different time, face thing worst than you do. You’d be lucky enough to have life that you’re living at the moment. By believing in yourself, you believe people around you. And that trust will become your friends. The most treasured possession you will ever have in the whole wide world. Having faith in what you have and what you do, will eventually lead to you success. (I’m keeping my fingers cross!) God give me faith for me to go on! There can be miracle, when you believe… though heart is frail, its hard kill…

Always be my baby....

You'll always part of me,
I'm a part of you indefinitely,
Boy don't you know you can't escape me,
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby..

And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong,
No way you're never gonna shake me,
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby...

You'll always be my baby......i have few close friend in life....they will always be my babies...my soulmate, my partner in crime... my shoulder to cry on, my cracking time of laughters, my idea of getting silly and stupid. Those friends i have, i don't have them close, physically... but close to my heart. We craving for each other, as distance does matter in this situations.

This song is the best new version of Always be my baby... and this song does reflect the way i'm feeling at the moment. David Cook will make a good recording artiste.. and i'm one of the first millions fan of his... Good luck David.... all the best..

And as for Tina, Layla, Noura and Nora.... where ever you are... you'll always be my baby.....

The Record of April

As i promised to Ajey... i took her to Lush Bar, Marriot and CB with Zaf... it was entirely ladies nite... not men in the crowd... it was Ajey's luck to see me sing in both place... few times in Marriot.. and first time in CB... that was the first... and i'm honored... she was so very lucky tonite...

I just finished my exam earlier today... and im back to my normal life now... still missing him though.. but... life goes on... and hoping that i will be hearing from him soon enuf... well... what else i can say today????

17th April... 2008.... my first time singing in Cheries Berries... love it.. living it... the fullest...


good nite...

Its been a while....

Its been a while i havent wrote anything in my blog... lots of things to write... but dont know where to start...hehehehehe....

Its AF and American Idol season now.. so, everyone is glued to ASTRO to watch the programme. As for me, i'm now officially addicted to Grey's Anatomy... and just realize that its already in season 4 showing on tv... my God... where the hell i've been too???

Im busy with the PPK meeting next week on the 27 and 28th.. and then will be the Luncheon Talk by Datu Abdul Ghaffur.. its a tight week and month for me. Nadya is touring Europe again.. for the Easter Holiday. She just finished with the Malaysian Nite Show in Newcastle University as the leading actress in The Departures. According to her.. its more like Sepet movie.. i wish i could go and see the theater...Hoping that they will do the show in Malaysia. Congratulation to DS Rahman Taib for his new post as Deputy Minister of Tourism... all the best yar!!

As for me, i'm polishing myself for the singing career. Im taking this seriously... check this out....

Ramadhan berlalu... menjelangnya Syawal

Its been a while, since i last wrote before Nadya depart for Newcastle. Eventually, this Ramadhan was a flash back Ramadhan for me. All the memories from 1999 til now came back... like a video playing its tape.

I first, met Chek Salim (my ex-boyfriend's housemate and bestfriend, mine too) which to my shock, i just found out that my Chek Gapa, passed away 2 years back. Motorcycle accident. He was my Mr.Penguin... and so adorable. Al-Fatihah to my Chek Gapa....

Chek Gapa far right. my ex is next to him and chek Salim 1st left.

And then, there was my crush and my definition of bliss when i was back in Limbang. They all came back bursting my memories and i just couldn't help being in love again. My brother (Zainan) kept his promises... he gave me my 1st 3G phone. Alhamdulillah... semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas rezeki Mu.... (next will be my first Levis jeans) hehehehehehe......
Our reunion really triggers back the memories that we use to have when we were back in Limbang. The night outing, berbuka puasa and the sporting group of friends that he has... really blows my mind...

Then, me with my own problem... still yet believe in falling in love.. but doesn't believe in having a commitment. To bad for all of my guy friends. I can be your bestfriend... we can be in love... but we can never be together...

So, I am still coping of being away from Nadya (like I'm not used to it...) but in this matter, it is totally different.... Nadya is like thousand miles away from us.. and this raya would be different since it will be only the 4 of us celebrating... what a life... hahahahaha.....

i would like to take this opportunity to wish all the readers and fellow friends and students... Selamat menyambut Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir Batin. Pandu cermat, jiwa selamat... ingatlah orang2 yang tersayang.....

Bali Trip 2007

It's been a month after i got back from my Bali trip. Yes, its been quite a while since I wrote anything in my blog. Looks like i'm not a frequent blogger myself. I have time reading other peoples blog.. but yet have no time to do mine. So, I just put aside my work and write whatever i wanna write at this moment.

Bali trip was splendid. It's heaven on earth. And i survive my 6 days trip in Bali with a very tight budget. Luckily I was with my beloved cousin-sister-cousin-in-law-tak jadi.... hahahahahaha... we were having time of our life there.

This is only the airport, Ngurai Rai International Airport, Bali

Green Garden Hotel, Bali

The hotel and the staff are so friendly. My sister Kartina, she's planning to go there again next year. With me, again... and maybe some of our friend tagging along. 6 days trip was the best in my life. Though I've been to London and UAE, but then again, trip with ur soulmate, friend, bestfriend and a sister would make a vacation, different. We did stupid things together... all the sweet memories that we gathered there, we would never ever forget about it.

And the best part was, Tina bought me sunset dinner in Jimbaran, as a make up for her forgetfulness of my birthday few years back. And it was only this year, she got my birthday date correctly. (Which i never miss and forget her birthday every year!) So.. it was splendid... I'm loving the dinner with your bare feet in the sand and the sea breeze blowing softly through your hair while watching the lovely sunset in Jimbaran, Bali.

The early Birthday, sunset Jimbaran dinner

As the last nite of the Bali trip, Tina gave me a new nick... Kermit's wife... (bini kermit)... Maybe you'd be wondering how the 'heaven' i get that nick. Well, i pretended that i was drunk on the last night.. which i wasn't... and talk to one of the frog on the stairway at the hotel, where Tina was bursting into laughter when i did that. So, my name was Bini Kermit the Frog... hahahahahaha.....

That's the frog.. on the right side of the picture

The trip was so splendid.. and I had post-trauma Bali vacation... it took me a week to get my systems back to the usual routines that I use to do here. The day after I arrived back to Miri, I started to work with Lys, part-timely... and a new education of sound engineering. Entertainment business was always my favourite. I'm dreaming of acting in one of the drama's, doing scripts of drama, tele-drama, movies, sitcoms... but still, I don't yet have the enough courage to deal with it. Maybe in the near future. My cousin is in the ESPN business now.. i know, he's determine to get it.. and he finally got it.... Alhamdulillah.... he's one of the SC presenter for Malaysia.


With the catching up to do.. and the classes... my life turns up side down when I got back from Bali. My sister finally got her result for her A-Level. She made it.. she'll be leaving for Heathrow this coming 17th September to Newcastle doing her Naval Architecture. Hope she'll be doing fine there. And I'll be spending some times with her before she leave this weekend.

So, i think, that should do at the moment... I'll be writing again, if i have time. See ya!!!

Students.... my birthday wish!!!

Not that to torture all my fellow students... but having the experience with them buying stuff that I dont know what to do with them, might as well as I list out something for them to find out and give it to me...Not that to be fussy or anything... but i just want to keep something from u guys (students) that I can cherish and remember for the rest of my life... without breaking it or throwing it into the dumpster...

So, here is my wish list... hope you guys just can cope with it....

1. A4 size photo frame... ( please get me some creative but simple design.. i don't want something extravaganza.... nice but elegant... something different)

2. Glass clear vase (any range of size... ala2 Eric Leong Casa Impian...)

3. Patung Mr.Bean (only one please... i dont want to make a fuss and a funfair in my room)

4. Story books by Norhayati Ibrahim (please confirm with me the title of the story. I don't want end up having the same book)

5. DVD (ori or non-ori... I dont mind, as long as it clear as it can be) :- The Legion, Kill Bill 1 & 2, Zodiac, The Mighty Heart, any new story la... horror, sci-fiction, romance, comedy, thriller... just find any... but make sure i don't get the same movie....)

6. Complete collection of N'Sync album (this one i prefer original)

7. Neck-tie (blue, white, grey... i want the small size... more feminine.... and u can find it at Parkson... like im using in classes)

8. Photo albums.

9. Kitchenware ( like bowl, tea-pots, mugs, glasses, salt-pepper holder, cawan, piring, dining plate, big bowls... anything la... with a creative design and preferable white or black color. You can find it at Supersave. Its cheap... and i want a min of 2 piece per item.)

10. Scented candles - pillar candles, tealight candles, large pillar candles, dining candles

11. Aromatheraphy burner set.

12. Aromatheraphy essences (euyclaptus, lavender, rosemary, lemongrass, etc)

13. Aerobic dance vcd (hehehehehe from any instructor, you could find it at Speedy Video)

14. VCD (if possible original) Waris Jari Hantu, Mukhsin, Jangan Pandang Belakang... any malay movies would be fine....

15 birthday cake... hahahahah preferable blackforrest, or tiramisu....

oklah... dont wanna torture you guys with silly, silly things... but then again.... its not all the time i'm asking for this... huhuhuhuhu.... so, happy hunting students.!!!!!