Few days ago, I read an article. Saying that what makes the difference between dating a recently single guy.. who just broke up with his girlfriend that he live with for the past 7 years and a guy who just got a divorce or separated? It's the same situation, but the status set it to a higher pace for a divorce person. Who set the status? We set the status... our community set the status. And who argue about the status? We argue about the status.. and sick and tired of this status. Who to blame?
Im having a serious problem with relationship. It seems that i believe in relationship but not in commitment. Blame it to all the men i used to love. I'm into a relationship.. but not into a commitment. I just can't. I just finished watching Grey's Anatomy season 3. The relationship between Meredith Grey and Derek Sheppard and Christina Yang and Dr. Burke proves to me that sometimes, we just relieve with the relationship that we have. When we're ready for a commitment.. that's when the guys freaked out and step away from our life. And we're not ready for a commitment, they are there... begging and asking for love. Yes, people say we should sacrifice something for others. But what if I've been sacrificing the whole time.. and I never get anything good out of it???
I would like to believe that there is someone out there for me. But, I don't! I would like to believe that there is someone for me to put this blame on. But i couldn't do that! For example, George O'Maley married to Calligh Torres after George's father died of cancer. But eventually, Izzie Stevens is in love with O'Maley. So, what does that shows you? Its happening around the world. Its happening everywhere. How could you say that this thing call love, soulmates and the love vows exists?
The passion for living is the reason for all human being alive and moving around. Love comes later. Everything nowadays is all about taking care of yourself and live life the fullest. But of course I don't want to end up like Dr. Addison Montgomery. Wasted so much on life... and when she realise what she missed, its too late to turn back. In life, having to love and be loved is the most beautiful thing that ever can happen to someone. But to commit your life time to it, it takes a lot of guts and sacrifices to go through that.
Nadya, you did once asked me. When will i get married to someone? This is my answer. I won't get married to anyone, until I believe in marriage. With divorce cases hovering our family, I don't think so that i would put myself in that situation. You know my passion for uniformed and armed men... That would take a lot of sacrifices if i would to put my marriage into the picture. With their worked and their life is on the line, I don't think so that i would believe marriage is the thing that bond me and him together. I almost have a perfect man in my life. You knew that, don't you?! What happened? Things just don't comes my way. I'm not taking revenge. But this is what I've become for all the sacrifices I've done few years back. I'm not asking you to be like me. But be stronger than me. Fight for your life. For your future. I know, that you're stronger and more stubborn than I do. We all are...u, abang and I.... Be strong for yourself.
So, stop asking questions, cause it won't help either way! When the time comes, the time comes. Don't hesitate to get married before I do. Coz there is no such thing as langkah bendul... hehehehehe.... I know its tradition... but if it is your turn to marry first.. then go ahead. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine.
So, to choose between relationship and commitment.... i choose relationship. Cause it makes my heart healthy.... and I love it. I just love it the way it is....
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Time
I was jogging with me fellow friends when i bump into a dead body by the beach. A dead body of a male that is half naked and half buried in the sands. I was told that the John Doe was drown and swept away by the current. Up to this post, his identity is yet to be known. People keep on asking me, how am I doing and how am I coping with this situation. I think, I'm ok... so far...
I was watching Grey's Anatomy Season 3, when some of the scene makes me feels guilty and feels sad. I miss my Nunez so much. I don't know why i felt this way.. but it just does. Everyone, everybody always say that, when u love someone.. u say it straight to them before its too late. It is too late? For me, its always too late. Too late to say I love you... too late to say i miss you... too late to show how i felt and always too late to be in a relationship. The fact that, i want to be in a relationship.. but i don't want to be in a commitment. Time have played a fair game for me all these years. Yes, i'm craving for a relationship... but i will never manage to commit. Coz i'll never will. I always hoping that one day, that right guy will come up to my door and just turn my life upside down.. and says that my opinion about commitment is wrong.
Time played well upon my life... make it good or bad... make it happy or sad... but i still go on... Still living life the fullest. Cause i know one thing that, i don't wanna miss a thing that i wanna do in this world. Nunez was the guy that opens my heart... and make me the way i am years ago...
When i saw the dead guy, i said to myself... God takes away life with a single snap... and everything in this his life would change drastically. I wont never lose the chances anymore... I'll never will.....
I was watching Grey's Anatomy Season 3, when some of the scene makes me feels guilty and feels sad. I miss my Nunez so much. I don't know why i felt this way.. but it just does. Everyone, everybody always say that, when u love someone.. u say it straight to them before its too late. It is too late? For me, its always too late. Too late to say I love you... too late to say i miss you... too late to show how i felt and always too late to be in a relationship. The fact that, i want to be in a relationship.. but i don't want to be in a commitment. Time have played a fair game for me all these years. Yes, i'm craving for a relationship... but i will never manage to commit. Coz i'll never will. I always hoping that one day, that right guy will come up to my door and just turn my life upside down.. and says that my opinion about commitment is wrong.
Time played well upon my life... make it good or bad... make it happy or sad... but i still go on... Still living life the fullest. Cause i know one thing that, i don't wanna miss a thing that i wanna do in this world. Nunez was the guy that opens my heart... and make me the way i am years ago...
When i saw the dead guy, i said to myself... God takes away life with a single snap... and everything in this his life would change drastically. I wont never lose the chances anymore... I'll never will.....
Monday, April 21, 2008
Monday Blues
It’s the beginning of the week. Monday is the first day of the week. Some say it would be Sunday. But eventually, whatever day it supposes to be, Monday is the logic day to be the first. Some Monday, we start it joy and happiness. Some started it with a moody basis feelings, anger and just not being yourself. It will affect your entire mood for the whole week. Work become sucks and everyone around you seems to annoying you to much. You just can’t handle it.
Human eventually, have different type of view on themselves. Some are strong, some are determine of what they are doing and some are just too weak to face the truth. These people know what they want out of life and know what they don’t. Life pressure is human worst enemy. It’s human demon within them. Not entirely everyone can handle their own demons. Mostly failed and seek vengeance upon their failure.
This is what happened to me today. My colleague’s class is having a design and layout presentation. He insisted to have the presentation exactly what will they face in their career soon. It went well for few of the students. But I was at the end of the edge when one of his students starts to questions my position as one of the critic’s panel and the customer and also her supervisor. I nearly throw it all on her when I realize this was only a normal presentation that they have to make it look professional, as a preparation for them before they proceed to the real world. She’s the example of the student nowadays. They know how to complaint but never really realize what they’ve done wrong.
This similar situation happens during the summer camp. I was the collaborator for the camp and the ideas came from the students. They created the idea of doing harsh activities to other students but to them was an exception. Yet, when they get a direct command from me, they neglect that I have the full authority to say yes or no. And they are against what I’m trying to do. As a result, neither one of them are speaking to me as I’m writing this.
I was wondering that people create rules for us to obey and follow. But they tend to bend the rules sometimes. Even to those who actually create the rules. They actually bend the rules that they set is as benchmark for everyone to follow. And who actually will obey the rules?
No.2
Last week, a housewife hangs herself to death. She’s the housewife of a policeman. According to sources, she hangs herself because she couldn’t handle the stress taking care of the children. But I think, she’s just can’t handle her own demon. She fails and found an easy way out of it. It’s a stupid thing to do. But who are we to say that? We’re not even by her side to help her through. I bet that the neither husband nor do the children help her on her feelings.
What I’m trying to say here is that, by listening, you are eventually helping other people to face their demons. You just need to trust them. You can be that stubborn not to listen to what they advice to you, but by telling and letting go a part of your demons will actually help you to overcome your fear.
(apa yang aku mengarut ni)
No matter what you do in your life, how bad you’ve screwed up, you have to remember one thing. There will always be another person, at another place and different time, face thing worst than you do. You’d be lucky enough to have life that you’re living at the moment. By believing in yourself, you believe people around you. And that trust will become your friends. The most treasured possession you will ever have in the whole wide world. Having faith in what you have and what you do, will eventually lead to you success. (I’m keeping my fingers cross!) God give me faith for me to go on! There can be miracle, when you believe… though heart is frail, its hard kill…
Human eventually, have different type of view on themselves. Some are strong, some are determine of what they are doing and some are just too weak to face the truth. These people know what they want out of life and know what they don’t. Life pressure is human worst enemy. It’s human demon within them. Not entirely everyone can handle their own demons. Mostly failed and seek vengeance upon their failure.
This is what happened to me today. My colleague’s class is having a design and layout presentation. He insisted to have the presentation exactly what will they face in their career soon. It went well for few of the students. But I was at the end of the edge when one of his students starts to questions my position as one of the critic’s panel and the customer and also her supervisor. I nearly throw it all on her when I realize this was only a normal presentation that they have to make it look professional, as a preparation for them before they proceed to the real world. She’s the example of the student nowadays. They know how to complaint but never really realize what they’ve done wrong.
This similar situation happens during the summer camp. I was the collaborator for the camp and the ideas came from the students. They created the idea of doing harsh activities to other students but to them was an exception. Yet, when they get a direct command from me, they neglect that I have the full authority to say yes or no. And they are against what I’m trying to do. As a result, neither one of them are speaking to me as I’m writing this.
I was wondering that people create rules for us to obey and follow. But they tend to bend the rules sometimes. Even to those who actually create the rules. They actually bend the rules that they set is as benchmark for everyone to follow. And who actually will obey the rules?
No.2
Last week, a housewife hangs herself to death. She’s the housewife of a policeman. According to sources, she hangs herself because she couldn’t handle the stress taking care of the children. But I think, she’s just can’t handle her own demon. She fails and found an easy way out of it. It’s a stupid thing to do. But who are we to say that? We’re not even by her side to help her through. I bet that the neither husband nor do the children help her on her feelings.
What I’m trying to say here is that, by listening, you are eventually helping other people to face their demons. You just need to trust them. You can be that stubborn not to listen to what they advice to you, but by telling and letting go a part of your demons will actually help you to overcome your fear.
(apa yang aku mengarut ni)
No matter what you do in your life, how bad you’ve screwed up, you have to remember one thing. There will always be another person, at another place and different time, face thing worst than you do. You’d be lucky enough to have life that you’re living at the moment. By believing in yourself, you believe people around you. And that trust will become your friends. The most treasured possession you will ever have in the whole wide world. Having faith in what you have and what you do, will eventually lead to you success. (I’m keeping my fingers cross!) God give me faith for me to go on! There can be miracle, when you believe… though heart is frail, its hard kill…
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Always be my baby....
You'll always part of me,
I'm a part of you indefinitely,
Boy don't you know you can't escape me,
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby..
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong,
No way you're never gonna shake me,
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby...
You'll always be my baby......i have few close friend in life....they will always be my babies...my soulmate, my partner in crime... my shoulder to cry on, my cracking time of laughters, my idea of getting silly and stupid. Those friends i have, i don't have them close, physically... but close to my heart. We craving for each other, as distance does matter in this situations.
This song is the best new version of Always be my baby... and this song does reflect the way i'm feeling at the moment. David Cook will make a good recording artiste.. and i'm one of the first millions fan of his... Good luck David.... all the best..
And as for Tina, Layla, Noura and Nora.... where ever you are... you'll always be my baby.....
Thursday, April 17, 2008
The Record of April
As i promised to Ajey... i took her to Lush Bar, Marriot and CB with Zaf... it was entirely ladies nite... not men in the crowd... it was Ajey's luck to see me sing in both place... few times in Marriot.. and first time in CB... that was the first... and i'm honored... she was so very lucky tonite...
I just finished my exam earlier today... and im back to my normal life now... still missing him though.. but... life goes on... and hoping that i will be hearing from him soon enuf... well... what else i can say today????
17th April... 2008.... my first time singing in Cheries Berries... love it.. living it... the fullest...
good nite...
I just finished my exam earlier today... and im back to my normal life now... still missing him though.. but... life goes on... and hoping that i will be hearing from him soon enuf... well... what else i can say today????
17th April... 2008.... my first time singing in Cheries Berries... love it.. living it... the fullest...
good nite...
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