Relationship or Commitment!

Few days ago, I read an article. Saying that what makes the difference between dating a recently single guy.. who just broke up with his girlfriend that he live with for the past 7 years and a guy who just got a divorce or separated? It's the same situation, but the status set it to a higher pace for a divorce person. Who set the status? We set the status... our community set the status. And who argue about the status? We argue about the status.. and sick and tired of this status. Who to blame?

Im having a serious problem with relationship. It seems that i believe in relationship but not in commitment. Blame it to all the men i used to love. I'm into a relationship.. but not into a commitment. I just can't. I just finished watching Grey's Anatomy season 3. The relationship between Meredith Grey and Derek Sheppard and Christina Yang and Dr. Burke proves to me that sometimes, we just relieve with the relationship that we have. When we're ready for a commitment.. that's when the guys freaked out and step away from our life. And we're not ready for a commitment, they are there... begging and asking for love. Yes, people say we should sacrifice something for others. But what if I've been sacrificing the whole time.. and I never get anything good out of it???

I would like to believe that there is someone out there for me. But, I don't! I would like to believe that there is someone for me to put this blame on. But i couldn't do that! For example, George O'Maley married to Calligh Torres after George's father died of cancer. But eventually, Izzie Stevens is in love with O'Maley. So, what does that shows you? Its happening around the world. Its happening everywhere. How could you say that this thing call love, soulmates and the love vows exists?

The passion for living is the reason for all human being alive and moving around. Love comes later. Everything nowadays is all about taking care of yourself and live life the fullest. But of course I don't want to end up like Dr. Addison Montgomery. Wasted so much on life... and when she realise what she missed, its too late to turn back. In life, having to love and be loved is the most beautiful thing that ever can happen to someone. But to commit your life time to it, it takes a lot of guts and sacrifices to go through that.

Nadya, you did once asked me. When will i get married to someone? This is my answer. I won't get married to anyone, until I believe in marriage. With divorce cases hovering our family, I don't think so that i would put myself in that situation. You know my passion for uniformed and armed men... That would take a lot of sacrifices if i would to put my marriage into the picture. With their worked and their life is on the line, I don't think so that i would believe marriage is the thing that bond me and him together. I almost have a perfect man in my life. You knew that, don't you?! What happened? Things just don't comes my way. I'm not taking revenge. But this is what I've become for all the sacrifices I've done few years back. I'm not asking you to be like me. But be stronger than me. Fight for your life. For your future. I know, that you're stronger and more stubborn than I do. We all are...u, abang and I.... Be strong for yourself.

So, stop asking questions, cause it won't help either way! When the time comes, the time comes. Don't hesitate to get married before I do. Coz there is no such thing as langkah bendul... hehehehehe.... I know its tradition... but if it is your turn to marry first.. then go ahead. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine.

So, to choose between relationship and commitment.... i choose relationship. Cause it makes my heart healthy.... and I love it. I just love it the way it is....